You brought such joy to my life. I loved you so much. I will miss you. I will always remember the life lessons you taught me, and the love and light you shared with everyone.
I could not tell him this as he lay dying in my arms this morning, though it took me a bit to realize that. I know he knew, because I’d told him numerous times, but especially over the last few days. I told him as I held him last night, and the night before. I was surprised to see him still breathing at 6am because he was so weak at 2am when I fell asleep in the chair. He moved during the “night” to use the litter-box. I found him on the floor not far from it.
I picked him up again and cuddled him (no, not like a human baby); telling him how much I loved him, how much I would miss him. I laid him in one of the soft beds on the floor, as I did morning feeds and meds for the rest of them. He let out a few “mows”. I got a bit of water into him with a syringe. He settled. Toes needs his insulin, Taylor needs her methimazole. They need canned food for breakfast. Princess also needed a bit. Tinker? Minnie? you guys want food? No Chad, no Chip — you guys are already too chubby. Have a touch of tasty kibble. Dogs c’mon, biscuits! Alright, nice clean water, here we go.
I picked Boots up again. I held him, cuddled him… and I realized how selfish I was being. I was prolonging his ending by not letting him go, not helping him on this leg of his journey — I was feeling sorry for myself; I was not doing what he needed. Mental gear shift required – STAT.
We remembered his kitten-hood, we remembered his first seizure – how scared he was then at 5weeks old, but that was a long time ago. We remembered how his litter mate Precious used to “kiss” his forehead during an episode, before Boots got too big and unpredictable for her to be willing or able to continue.
We remembered how he suckled on Two Toes (a 4yo at the time, neutered male) and smiled. We remembered how it was this litter’s arrival that made me realize there was a feral cat problem in my city neighborhood, and launch my private TNR charity. We remembered how Boots would sometimes “help” with the young rescues. We remembered the butterflies, the birds, the warmth of the sun in the cattery. We remembered the toys, the fun, the silliness we shared… and smiled. We imagined the stars, the comets, the nebulas, the gas giants, the star nurseries — the awe in the immensity and power of the universe. Every photo I’ve seen or vision I’ve imagined of the structures and energies of our vast backyard. We shared the brilliance and beauty of the light. He peacefully slipped away at 9:40 this morning. He would have been, and Precious will be, 14yo in another couple months. Toes just turned 18 years old.
Boots has physically declined to barely more than skin stretched over bones. All the vet tests and specimen analyses showed nothing wrong with him, though there obviously was. Boots apparently had enough, and chose to move on. I’m glad to have had him and I’m glad I could help him. I feel grateful for that. He will be buried near Lady, under the evergreens marking the property line.
The below was a touching message received from an on-line friend. I found it beautifully, thoughtfully, soothing. Used here with author’s permission.
I give my love to the Boots we knew. I give my love to those he touched. Boots, the love you give is endless in time. I know you are with us and will be forever. The tears I weep as I write these words are for you, my love.
Boots I kindly, humbly, and lovingly, thank you from all of my heart for you have made the world a better place. I close my eyes and I feel you within. Boots my love, I will remember you forever and I vow to you that I will use the love you have given, and continue to give this love to all this world. May you rest in peace from this world we know. The journey you have now started is that of glory. I look forward to the future with you as part of us all, and look forward towards being with you in “The Light”. May we all learn from you and make this world a better place.
Love from Dragon
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